28 Thoughts After 28 Years
The last year+ has been exceptional for us all. That’s not news to anyone at this point. For me, there have been incredible highs and incredible lows. This is, of course, within the context of my own life. I am extremely fortunate in the grand scheme of things. In celebration of my 28th birthday, I thought it might be worth sharing 28 things that I’ve learned, thought about, or reflected on. I definitely can’t claim anything to be absolute fact, but I figured it might be nice to share anyway. They are not in any particular order.
Your inner life probably won’t change with achievements. No external validation can make you feel good about yourself in a lasting way.
There is no magical “arrival” at the “top” of a field. Know your values and priorities. Pursue those things. If prestige is on the list, fine. It’s usually not, though.
Nothing is permanent. Every moment is fleeting and unique.
It’s hard to know how much of yourself to give when teaching.
I love learning about human psychology, perception, motivation, and the brain in general.
I would always prefer to communicate by talking. I actually really like meetings and would always prefer them to email. Sending and receiving email might be my single greatest energy-draining activity.
I’m very skeptical of the thought that we shouldn’t need other people to be happy.
I think that the idea that you need to learn music from someone that plays your instrument is pretty outdated, especially after high school.
How do you “decide” what you are going to not be the best at? People always tell me that “you can’t be the best at everything all the time.” That seems like a fine thought, but how does one decide what they are going to be mediocre at?
I don’t like routine; I love when every day brings new challenges, opportunities, and people.
It makes me cringe when people justify music education with the “non-musical” benefits. I like to think that music itself is worthy enough.
It’s very hard to know what people actually expect from you as opposed to what you expect from yourself.
I’m a truth-seeker. I’m increasingly disinterested in surface-level thought or interaction.
What do you do when you’ve burned out but nothing can stop or slow down?
I love to think deeply and dream, but I can’t say I love following through on things.
I’m very intrigued by Buddhist philosophy. It’s very hard to imagine committing to it completely in my field, but I may try to one day.
Expectations of teachers are increasing exponentially. I’m not talking about conservatory teachers.
I want the music I make to be experienced and felt, not only heard.
I think it would be really interesting to start every concert with meditation. I wonder if it would encourage audiences and performers to truly be present.
I have no interest in impressing audiences; I’m striving for a genuine connection or communication.
High-level jazz musicians completely amaze me. I want to be able to play, write, and improvise with that level of mastery and joy.
I think it’s easy for students to forget that their teachers have feelings and mental health too. I know it didn’t really register with me when I was a student. Many of the most personally hurtful things that have been said to me have come from them. Most notably “the more I get to know you, the less I respect you.” That one will take a while to shake off.
I love discussing and dealing with complexity, but it’s not for everyone.
I love the practicality of Alain de Botton, especially in this video on some of the purposes of art. I think that these ideas absolutely apply to music as well. Alain de Botton - Art as Therapy
I want to be able to create exactly what I hear both as a composer and performer. This seems simple. I assure you it is not.
Directness of expression in music is important to me. Gospel and church music gave me this trait.
When I’m nervous before a concert, it’s never because I’m afraid to make mistakes. It is always because I’m afraid that the audience won’t be transported during the performance. This made online performances a real anxiety nightmare.
Value is subjective and arbitrary.